Carpe Diem

I don't usually use my blog to rant, not in here, not in my personal notes. But today, after a 10 hour shift at the café, I just can't.... Lately I have been so annoyed by instagram stars. I follow several yoga persons and some influencers  like Amanda Cerny. So the reason why I have been annoyed with almost all is because they post stuff in their stories about how exhausted  they are after literally sleeping normally and only doing 1 workout for posting purposes and to make sure they keep themselves in shape. They are exhausted. And here I am, working 10-12 hour shifts as a waitress, then spending 1,5 hours in the yoga studio, exercising. And even I don't dare to say I am exhausted because I am CONSIDERATE towards people like nurses who are working 36-72 hour shifts at hospitals and don't have the energy to clean their house let alone go to do yoga. But hey, Jessica Olie needs to sleep more because all these travels have been terrible  on her skin... Well, I do...

I have been going to yoga every day in the past 4 days. Today is my day off, so I decided to go in the city and hunt down a new yoga mat. It is Monday, and I don't have a choice but take a break since the studio I go to only has bikram yoga today and I did it yesterday and you aren't supposed to be doing bikram a lot. It is pretty heavy on the heart. So I hunt down the new mat, do some stretching at home and call it a day. But who knows, I might go anyway. I have until 7 pm to decide, since the last class starts at 7.30. I thought that my only way to get back into shape was going training and running but honestly, I despise all those things. I like yoga and dancing. Both of those things are disgustingly expensive here in Budapest. But I committed since I do spend that kind of money on clothes all the time... yes. ALL THE FRIGGIN' TIME....... Lately I have made some minor changes to my life. I like to believe that those changes are positive and worthy of an adult woman...

I have been alone for 16 days, and frankly I am not doing that bad. Obviously I have troubles sleeping, knowing that nobody is there nor will be when I wake up, but that is the least of my troubles. My best friend is finally home from Nevada, so today I get to spend time with her as soon as she gets off work. These types of human contacts help me keep going. I do not have many friends, 2 or 3 at most but I realised that you do not need more. All those people who are friends everybody too have 2-3 people at most whom they share everything with. The rest is just to keep them company and I have more work than to keep up make-believe friendships. I cannot wait for the verdict on my uni application. I am thrilled for going back to school, and that fills me with positivity towards the future. Sounds cliché, but I believe the universe serves you with what you want. My godmother always told me that it is, however, is a two sided blade. You can't pray for things in a negative light. For ...

The chef at the bistro I work at quit, so now I have so much more work to do, since I also help out in the kitchen, not just at the barista post. Frankly, I am exhausted. But in the past week I realised something very scary. I am depressed. I feel left behind, unwanted. I do nothing all day when I am not working, I just watch Netflix and eat... no wonder I have been gaining weight. I wanted to go on a run more often, work out more often but I just cannot find the energy inside. I am no longer happy with the body I have, but instead of doing something about it, I just sit home and gloat like a little brat. And the reason is that I am emotionally drained. As much as I hate people I hate being alone..... and being alone makes me exhausted. Still I do not change anything. I am not looking for anyone's company. I don't know if any of that makes sense. Maybe writing it down will help eventually. I feel like my life lacks purpose. I don't know what I am supposed to do. This b...

So today after work I watched Bridget Jone's Baby, and gotta say I was more disappointed by the outcome than I should have been. To me this was badly written. I was rooting for Jack, because if he had been the father, then the message of the movie would have been that even if you are stuck on an old love, you can still find someone new and start over, have a clean slate and one day you would meet a person who would stick around for your crazy even if you are in a mess like Bridget. I mean let's face it, how many men would have stuck around a one night stand if they figure out they are pregnant. Also, when they might not be the only potential father. In my view, Jack really fell for Bridget, but she just chased a man who has broken her heart repeatedly and with whom her relationships never really worked out. Maybe it is just me, but to me Jack would have been the obvious choice. But she was persistent and stuck with what she knew, instead of taking a chance for a life where ...

SO I have been thinking about opening a blog where I post as I would write in a diary. I have tried having a diary several times during the past 10 years, but I am not big on continuity... just terrible at it to be honest. But this time I will try to be more continuous about the blog. To start off, I will introduce myself. My name is Kiki and I am currently 21 years old. I have been in a serious relationship with the most adorable man I have ever met in the past 2 years, and he is the reason I turned back to writing... because he moved away again. We have started out as a long distance couple in 2016, because he was playing for a Swiss team in Davos, and we lived like that for 1 year, but then he moved home to Hungary and we were no longer in long distance. And I kind of grew used to having him around. It was comfortable, and I think I forgot to appreciate the time we had. A couple weeks ago, he got a contract for another Swiss hockey team in La Chaux-de-Fonds. Now he is 1000kms awa...